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My "book" (manuscript, so far) on parenthood is going to have a chapter on parental pride. What's it all about? Why are we entitled to it? Why is it so enjoyable? Today's occasion for parental pride--"Space Pasta" by my daughter Becky. Think of the wheel on the left as the sun, and you'll get it.
Parental pride is a kind of weird thing isn't it? Say I'm a biological parent, and I gave my child up for adoption. Fast forward 20 years. I discover a letter in my mailbox and its my child contacting me. She writes about her accomplishments, her life, her beginning career, etc. It might be expected that I beam with some kind of pride. But why? What did I do, beyond fertilize an egg, to help her achieve this?
ReplyDeleteThe problem isn't much better for the adoptive parent. Sure they raised her, and maybe paid for her college education. But she did the work, they are her accomplishments, not her parent's. So why so much pride?
We see this in ALL sorts of things. Sports is probably the most obvious. Thousands of fans in the Bay area right now are beaming with SF Giants pride for making it into the World Series. Why? They didn't help the Giants win. The players won! They rightfully should be beaming with pride, but why the fans?
Wonderful questions. I think it has to do with the equation "my child=myself" but of course that's not exactly true, and it also invites the question whether there's something unwholesomely egocentric about parental pride. So--lots to think about. I'm workin' on it!
ReplyDelete"The problem isn't much better for the adoptive parent. Sure they raised her, and maybe paid for her college education. But she did the work"
ReplyDeleteI think you are underestimating how much work is involved in that little word 'raised'.
Also 'pride in' does not imply that you take credit. It might help to think about those parents who take no pride in their children, or who seem incapable of that. Why does this feel immoral? I think it is because it implies a lack of love or natural affection, which implies that parental pride is an aspect of love, the 'agape' side of love that looks only for the fulfilment of the loved. It feels that way to me. In a better world, we would be able to feel this for complete strangers (and sometimes there is a twinge of it, like during the recent olympic games)but generally speaking love needs work.
Disney apotheosis:
ReplyDelete• Oh that little boy, isn't he wonderful?
• He's our boy!
Jon Voight too:
ReplyDelete• That's my kid - - that's my son.